I like men...

[emjen]

I'm sorry about the spelling man. Here's an alternative opening. Hurray.

And ickle Jim, for some reason I get the feeling you are not very fond of gay men...

BLACK SCREEN
We hear music from the eighties.

MANLY VOICE
(faintly in background)
Hans! Hans!

INT. OFFICE BUILDING ? DAY

Hans, a stunning beautiful male with a feminine attitude, depilated eyebrows and hair dyed blonde, opens his eyes and takes out one of his earplugs.

HANS
What?

He responds to a real man, one who likes eating mayonaise when he watches TV. This is the manly voice, BALTHASAR. They?re both dressed in suit.

BALTHASAR
Stop doing that and give me some help.

The office looks like it?s been struck by a tornado. Six dead men lie in a pool of blood, bullets popped into their heads.

Hans puts his handmade silver shining gun, which is more like a cannon, back in his holster. He treats it with great tenderness.

Balthasar starts examining the bodies, checking wallets.

BALTHASAR
You know what really strikes me?

Hans starts helping Balthasar.

HANS
What?

BALTHASAR
Did you know that eighty percent of the men puts a finger in his backdoor when giving themselvses the joyful pleasure of whitening the wall?

HANS
Eighty percent?

Balthasar moves to the next corpse, and can?t find a bullet hole.

BALTHASAR
Well I don?t know exactly, but it was a lot.

HANS
What?s so weird about that?

Balthasar feels the pulse ? dead. He lifts up the head and sees a hole in the back of the skull. He looks at the front and then notices the bullethole in the palate.

BALTHASAR
Well, it was about ALL of the men. That just strikes me. I feel it?s an attack to our manly-ness.

Hans gets up to the back of the room to do his research.

HANS
So you?re saying you haven?t ever done that?

Balthasar has found the wallet he was looking for and stands up.

BALTHASAR
Found it. This is the guy. Alejandro Byrez.

HANS
Don?t change the subject. You always do that.

BALTHASAR
Are you kiddin?? No way I?m gonna stir my finger in my poo. That place is a holy place and not to be touched.

Suddenly one of the corpses near Hans begins to MOAN! Hans scares the **** out of himself and panics for a second.

BALTHASAR
Jezus! Calm down!

Hans spastically puts his earplug in his ear. Immediate peace. Music from the eighties takes over again. Hans grabs his cannon out of his suit and listens to the song while waving his huge gun around. Than BLAM! He fires a shot on the beat of the song.

Balthasar shakes his head degrading.

[GREATwarEAGLE]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"> they cencored i n t r i q u e s. Did i spell that incorrectly?</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sure did. As well as censored.

Why not use the Check Spelling tool? This goes for a lot of the lazy people who post here. You expect to be taken seriously when your material is poorly written?

I'm sure some of you are now dying to respond with incorrect spelling

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ March 24, 2003 01:00 PM: Message edited by: GREATwarEAGLE ]</font>

[ickle_jim]

lol thanx alot...

im not gunna get into my sexuality but lets just say ive got no problems with gay men what so ever!

I just dont think having a gay hitman is gunna be particularly funny, unless youve got something up your sleeve ive not thought of, after all im hardly the greatest comic genious of all time

[digital_biscuits]

The 80music earphones hitman isnt great. You half expext him to say "you dont like Duran Duran, you dont know what you're missing, poptastic tunes like that get my juices flowing, so powerful.".

I think you are getting too caught up in the comedic potential of the gay/straight hit men and ignoring the narrative. This is fine if you are going for a Farrelly brother movie, but for anything else you'd be stuck.

What is the story? Does the hitman NEED to be gay?
Remember there are not that many sympathetic gay character in hollywood movies- and those that exist are mostly there as comic relief FROM the narrative not to drive it.

[digital_biscuits]

who gives a fCUK about a few odd spelling mistakes- eagle, get over yourself. IF it bothers you that much, cut and paste people's posts into word and have a grammically perfect version ever time.

[emjen]

"you dont like Duran Duran, you dont know what you're missing, poptastic tunes like that get my juices flowing, so powerful.".

hey that made me laugh.

I came up with the idea of a hitman listening to the music of the eighties while killing, and killing on the beat and so forth. I thought it would be pretty neat.

As for the gay part, I just started writing spontanious.

Why not all get our minds together on a gay-80's-hitman-flick!

Come to think of it, something that I also found very appealing was this: a story about a boy, who is transexual so he wants to be a girl, but the girl inside him is lesbian!

Ooh the conflict. And then, his friend is a gay hitman who likes fleetwood mac. Endless possibilities.

[GREATwarEAGLE]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"> who gives a fCUK about a few odd spelling mistakes- eagle, get over yourself. IF it bothers you that much, cut and paste people's posts into word and have a grammically perfect version ever time. </font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

You're missing my point. I suggest everyone getting in the habit of spelling correctly for their own good. If not - fine by me. If everyone else wants to submit sloppy scripts, that just increases my chances of a script that I've written properly to be accepted.

If this doesn't make sense to you, oh well.

I find it difficult to read a script written by someone who hasn't even put a serious effort into it. You think this only applies to me? Send a script without being checked for spelling to an agent - you'll save him the trouble of buying toilet paper.

[digital_biscuits]

Eagle- I agree with you actually. I was a little raw from your smite at my poor spelling.

On a more productive note, I believe, and still do, that unless the idea for the film makes people go "wow" then its not worth writing. Because you will be trying to use style in the place of content. Thats just my perspective, and why i've only written 3 shorts and 2 features- too picky perhaps?

[SoulJacker]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"> souljacker: the action is horrible, but what makes it so horrible? Does it look like it's written by a monkey? Or is it something else? </font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

It feels like it?s been written by a one-eyed-gay-left-handed-Monkey, with a pen made of cabbage.

It simply isn't a "good read". It's sloppy. It?s full of grammatical obstacles that slow everything down to **** : You?re making reading your work a chore...

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"> HANS, a handsome man in his twenties, hair dyed blond and an earring with a somewhat female attitude and JEAN-CLAUDE, a broad muscular man doing his best to look man-like under his depilated eyebrows. </font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

What the **** is that? You could cut allot from this passage and miss nothing. Be as concise as possible. Flow is more important than detail.

Polish this ***** within an inch of its life, and then YOU will reap the benefits of a well-written piece of work. I don't "get-off" on saying this **** , but you have to respect your audience, and give them something worth reading...

... At present, it?s a mess.

GO READ SOME RECENTLY PRODUCED SCRIPTS - See how the pros do it.

Good luck.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"> I find it difficult to read a script written by someone who hasn't even put a serious effort into it. </font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

Correct-a-mundo.